it’s ok. you’re ok. take your time.
I just noticed. Huh?
I had been in an endless loop when it hit me.
I was sad for too long reading back my tumblr reblogs.
It’s my safe space. My thoughts agonizing “that” pain.
May safe place has been compromised for too long too. I have been compromised.
My thoughts filled with hope even tho it was aching for that same constant reasons.
You are my constant.
*
My constant suffer.
My constant deceiver.
My constant joker.
My constant keeper.
My constant manipulator
My constant lover.
My constant comforter.
My constant uncertainty.
You made me feel awake but you constantly touched my naivety with your ingratitude.
You shattered me too many times, I had to pick my self up over and over again for you to crush once more.
I loved you too much. I loved the idea of you. The idea of you that I build in my head.
The thought of you that’s killing me for almost half of my life.
You turned me into something I’m not.
Sadly, I embraced that for a moment too.
I became the woman who begged for love and asked a little that was not too much to ask.
I asked in the wrong places. Wrong people. Wrong home, and I still gave my genuine love for everyone.
And it stops now.
I believed that everyone has a good heart, until I finally think you’re an exception to that.
There are really wicked people who can devour a vulnerable prey.
Nevertheless, I will never wish you all ill.
Instead I will still smile back at you.
Thank you even for everything.
You happened for a reason.
That reason that made me who I am today.
…
I just made a pact with myself today. ✨
A pact proferred to the Lord for his faithfulness and goodness in my life.
A pact that one day when I’ll look back, I’ll thank my Author for his continuous grace in my life.
The world is really deceitful. The sin that covers it. The idea of love that turns to lust, selfishness, and pride.
My once shallowed outlook in love that buried me deep down to my core and let me drowned in my anguish.
I was lost. Still lost. Somehow lost…
Still drifting from the promise of His words.
Aching and aching and aching for the same reasons that have been haunting me.
Boils down to my sin.
My sin of distrust.
My sin of disobedience.
My sin of impatience.
My sin of pride.
I felt like I did not deserve to be loved. I was really not because I was trully a sinner until the Lord saved me and loved me amidst every sinful things I did.
I need You Lord more than ever.
I am broken.
My heart is broken real bad…
You’re all I need.
Help me, Lord.
“I don’t trust words anymore. I only trust actions. People can pretend to do a lot without beeing serious about it.”— Moritz Fer
This is very true.
Araw araw, I have the same agony for months, had been saying, pain this, pain that. I had been focusing too much on what was dragging me, but really. It was all just the beauty of life. Twas that what made me human. A human that needs the Lord more and more each day. I was preoccupied with the idea of hurting and asking love from all the wrong places, when in consistency and faithfulness, the source of true love - is my Savior, Jesus Christ. My great love. My God. Totoo na, people are fighting their differences each day. And people are keep pushing on for what they stand on. Still, we are living in darkness that we need Him to light our paths. We are not perfect. We are designed as flawed human beings who make mistakes in our daily lives. That’s why we need Him more, not to be perfect but to live His life, and shine differently among the world. We are to be the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13) and to walk in wisdom with the Lord (Ephesians 5:15).
“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”— Kurt Vonnegut (via thoughtkick)
(via thehopefulquotes)
